Into the storm

There's a dark cloud rising from the desert floor
I packed my bags and I'm heading straight into the storm
Gonna be a twister to blow everything down
That ain't got the faith to stand its ground
Blow away the dreams that tear you apart
Blow away the dreams that break your heart
Blow away the lies that leave you nothing but lost and broken-hearted

The dogs on Main Street howl 'cause they understand
If I could take one moment into my hands
Mister I ain't a boy, no I'm a man
And I believe in a promised land


Son, look at all the people in this restaurant
What do you think they weigh?
And out the window to the parking lot
At their SUV's taking all the space

They give no fuck
They talk as loud as they want
They give no fuck
Just as long as there's enough for them

Gonna get on the microphone down at Wal-Mart
Talk about some shit that's been on my mind
Talk of the state of this great nation of ours
People look to your left
Yeah, look to your right

They give no fuck
They buy as much as they want
They give no fuck
Just as long as there's enough for them

Son, look at the people lining up for plastic
Wouldn't you like to see them in the National Geographic?
Squatting bare assed in the dirt eating rice from a bowl
With a towel on their head, and maybe a bone in their nose

See that asshole with the peace sign on his license plate?
Giving me the finger and running me out of his lane
God made us number one because he loves us the best
Well he should go bless someone else for a while
Give us a rest

(They give no)
Yeah, and everyone can see
(They give no)
We've eaten all that we can eat


We knew all the answers
And we shouted them like anthmes
Anxious and suspicious
That God knew how much we cheated

...

There's no indication of
What we were meant to be
Sucking up to strangers
Throwing wishes to the sea


Everybody knows
It sucks to grow up
And everybody does
It's so weird to be back here
Let me tell you what
The years go on and
We're still fighting it, we're still fighting it


Peut-être qu'il faut s'enfuir loin de son passé
Toujours partir afin de mieux se retrouver

...

Good bye à mes vieux amis
En vérité je vous le dis
Je mets ma vie à l'heure

This will likely be the last entry I write from Montreal.

I have to meet my dad in an hour so he can drive me to Vaurdreuil to pick up my U-Haul. Frickin' Vaudreuil!

I'm still not finished packing. I'll come back here, pick up my roommate and drive to her parents' place on the South Shore to pick up some stuff there to drop off at their new place. Then the day begins.

I'm exhausted and over-emotional which would explain my sobbing right now. I keep telling myself that this is what I have to do, but it's so difficult to leave everything I've known and loved for the past five years. To leave the first place that I've truly felt at home and comfortable with myself. Part of me feels like I'm making the biggest mistake of my life, that I should have just said Fuck off to the US and applied for residency here in Canada.

Yet there's that other part of me that keeps saying that I have to go back. I'm not even sure why anymore. Part of me thinks I'll get so fed up within a month that I'll come running back to Montreal.

I'll leave tomorrow morning, Portland-bound.

Every time I've left this city over the past five years, I've gotten a sinking feeling in my stomach, worried that I'd never see Montreal again. I think that sinking feeling is going to be big enough to swallow me whole tomorrow.

There are new adventures on the horizon, I keep telling myself, and that if I'm meant to be here, my road will lead me back here.

But it's so difficult to listen to yourself when you're so unconvinced of what you're saying.